Where is the hickey?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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