I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
