to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
