whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
