i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize