VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Randomize
