I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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