Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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