gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
