she looked like the bat from fern gully.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
