Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
