I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
