If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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