Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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