Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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