There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
