By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
