The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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