I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
