I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Randomize
