My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
