i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
