I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
