They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
