Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
