Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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