ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
