my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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