and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
