He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
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I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
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Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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