thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
