Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
