So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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