My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
