Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
