the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just pee around me
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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