Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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