Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
last night I used snow as a chaser
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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