Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
