This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize