I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
