Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
