I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
