You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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