White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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