I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
