Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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