The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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