I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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