my soul wont recognize me after tonight
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
two words: eviction party
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
They have beer where we have blood.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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