I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
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In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
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Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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