I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
