sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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