That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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