Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
