I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
