i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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