I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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