weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
