i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
