Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
