Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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