you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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