Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
