So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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