woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he fucked my hip out of place.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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