I can tuck mytits in my pants
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize