Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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