your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
