Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
