p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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